Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
