I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
