I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
