I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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