Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
