I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
