it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
