do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
