I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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