he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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