yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
