OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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