I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
