I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
