So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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