his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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