Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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