Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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