alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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