ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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