JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
