Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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