drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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