don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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