totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
