seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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