i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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