She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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