I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
