ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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