a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
