I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
