I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
