she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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