Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
