we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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