life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
