we have pet lesbian snakes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
