How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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