Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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