When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
