This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
