you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
