all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
