We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
