i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I smell stomach acid.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
