the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
