You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
