He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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