Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
