their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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