I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
