Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
