So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
