with your own penis?
Don't make out with my wife yet
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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