That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
