Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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