I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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