Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
