spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
time to smoke my breakfast
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
