I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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