Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
