i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
