I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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