Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
