No stitches, just platelets and will power
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
